“I really think that the purpose is to make space for the unknown, uncertainty, and for our kind of humility in the face of the complexity of our belonging to the physical world. So it’s our animality, our physicality, all of that is so complicated and difficult to grapple with. The unknown is uncontrollable and…

“The subject of affairs, I think it’s of interest to everybody. We have all had an Oedipal experience – we’ve all been babies that have at some point realized that we are not the only person. We’re not perfectly fused with our mother, and that she has other things to do, and there may be…

“Now’s the time to tell that wonderful story of the little boy. He was about two or three years old, and he went in the icebox to get some milk, and he managed to get this big carton and spill it all over the floor. Now, needless to say, there’d be a lot of parents…

“In the analysis, the place where you face the experience of otherness, of foreignness, of the unconscious that goes through you, it doesn’t appear as knowledge. Of course, in an analysis, you get a lot of knowledge, but it’s not an important aspect of an analysis. I think that in the analysis, and that’s the…

“I think that my analytic awareness of denial and projection and the concreteness of psychic reality when executive function wanes, that I could help the other caretakers to understand some of what was going on – to give them a way to understand that relieves their sense of frustration and uncertainty. I think that the…

“All of this together shaped how I began to think about mind, not as something to be mastered, but as a landscape of the unspoken whether it was ghosts or griefs or desires that were hard to relinquish. I saw that the ghost was not always an ‘other’. It was often intimate, tied to lost…

“When we reconstruct [in a patient] a possible lacking object or role or function, we  see that if the analyst himself has been able and the patient allowing him to be able to enter to a deep level the objective reality of the internal world of the patient, it can happen that some new function…

“The idea of analytic neutrality, which was more or less a cliche truth when I was training back in the 1980s, is clearly getting at something very important, which is that we mustn’t try to pre-conceive where the patient’s development is going to take him or her. But that doesn’t mean that the development is…

“There are very specific fears that people have that are specifically related to their own childhood, and I’d like to give an example. A mom with twins had a kidnapping fear. She was afraid every time she saw a car drive by her house that her twins would be kidnapped. Now this mother was herself…

“The amount of guilt and the sense of alienation that people feel when they fall in love with someone who is ‘outside’, and the struggle that they have to undergo to explain that choice which they fully don’t understand themselves, is a very deep conflict that my work tries to capture.The title of my book…