“This came from an experience with a patient. It was early in my analytic training, and I was working with a supervisor who I really admired, and worked with her for a number of years. She was post-Kleinian, and was great at interpretation, formulation, and she was really helpful with just starting to guide me…

“[A couple state of mind] is the capacity to be subjectively involved with both individuals, but then importantly, to be able to step back, find a third position, and try to understand what the couple are creating together. Although it’s kind of obvious in a way, because surely, that’s what a couple therapist is doing,…

“To come back to this idea of ‘groaning’ – I really like it because I think it’s a good description of the work we do, but particularly because it refers to Antonio Ferro’s concept of the absorbency of the frame, which I think is another way of referring to it, that the frame can take a…

“A saturated state is a state in which the conceptual or emotional object has absolute value, it is already stacked or closed to new meanings and therefore cannot undergo any kind of transformation. An unsaturated state, on the other hand, is a state in which the emotional or conceptual object is in an open state…

“This patient taught me a lot. The context was that I just finished my second training as a psychodynamic psychotherapist and I felt I needed to prove a lot, and I clearly arrived with the wrong agenda. It was that if I was good enough and smart enough, a clever enough just graduated psychodynamic psychotherapist,…

“We bring our patterns with us wherever we go, into every relationship, and we necessarily and inevitably bring them into the therapy relationship or the psychoanalytic relationship, because that’s a relationship too. It’s not a matter of choice. It simply happens. It happens everywhere. The therapist doesn’t do anything to make it happen. This is…

“The similarity between Freud and Kohelet [Ecclesiastes] is that both of them believe that there’s no overarching totalistic system that  integrates all the disparate experiences that one has. You have that, Freud says, in psychotics, and you have that in philosophers, and you have that in devout people –  they look for systematicity. They try…

“With Kristi [second analyst], it was much, much deeper. This whole dependent and infantile part of me was coming out. This is psychoanalytic language – I was moving into a regression that was terrifying, because I had been trained by my mother, and it was my nature, and it was what had worked for me…

“Some time ago, I realized that there was such a thing for me as experiencing my patients as being friends, but they were psychoanalytic friends. It was a psychoanalytic friendship that was quite unique and unlike any other friendship. I think that’s what people are talking about when they write about psychoanalytic love. It’s not…

“This really is the full motivation for my having written the memoir. I want people to know what the process is like; not only what the process is like but what the feelings are that don’t really make you think of psychoanalysis as a way of changing your life. We’re just living and hoping that…